When the children achieve puberty time, they will responsible on all their actions by them self to Allah the almighty. So, parents have responsibilities to teach them about several rules dealing with it.
Parents must tell their young son when they have got wet dream for the first time, if they are responsible on all their actions to Allah. And they are even also obligated to do religious service such as those which done by another adult moslems.
Meanwhile, their daughters have to do the same thing when they experienced menstruation. They must be informed that they have to responsible on every action done by themselves to Allah. As the consequence, they must do religious service such those which is being obligated to muslimah
…When the children achieves their puberty times, there are some rules that must be explained by parents to them…
When the children achieve their puberty times, there are some rules that must be explained by parents to them, such as:
1. When their son have dreamed a sex intercourse, he is unnecessary to take a bath (al-ghusl), otherwise he see and feel if their trousers are wet, caused by sperm ejaculation. Their daughters also have to do the same way, if there is something that out from their vagina.
2. Narrated by Khaulah binti Hakim, he asked to prophet Muhammad about woman who got wet dream, as done by man, so prophet uttered " she has no obligatory to take a bath until the sperm out, as man who have no obligatory to take a bath until their sperm out" (hr. ahmad no. 26049, an-nasa'i no. 198, and ibnu majah no. 594)
3. When your child awaken, and he see or feel the trousers is wet caused by dreams, so they (woman and man) must do janabah bath, although they haven't remember what were the dream about.
4. When your sons get an orgasm caused by sexual desire, either due expressly and or involuntary, so he must take a bath. The same rule are also applied for your daughter, when they feel orgasm and wet liquid out.
5. Boys and girl who want to get married have to understand all matters above, when they want to get married and have sexual intercourse. Each time sexual penetration happen, so they are obligated to take a bath after it, although they experience orgasm or not.
Dealing to this matter, the prophet uttered, " When a man is between four parts of woman body (having sex intercourse) then the penetration happen, so he has an obligatory to take a bath" . ( Al-Bukhari)
6. When woman does not see any blood anymore at end of menstruation time, so she must take a bath. married woman have also learn and understand if after they giving birth, she must take a bath when the bleeding is end.
… Your sons and daughter have to understanding about the actions that should do and do not when they are in defilement …
Next step is teaching them in doing the appropriate janabah bath. Your sons and daughters have to understanding about the actions that should do and do not when they are in defilement, such as:
1. During menstruation, or after giving birth, woman is forbidden to pray, fasting, and entering the mosque, doing thawaf, etc.
Allah said, " they ask to you about menstruation. say: " They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in their courses, and do not approach them until they are clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean. " (Al-baqarah: 222)
2. Man and woman who get impurities condition (after having sex), are forbidden to read Koran or touch it, before they take a bath. Rasulullah usually read Koran at all conditions, unless he was junub from sexual intercourse. they are also forbidden to pray, entering the mosque,or doing thawaf.
3. Our children have also be tough to pay attention on their clothes and watch over it permanently clean from sperm, any liquids from vagina, or other liquids out from sex organ. [ganna pryadha/voa-islam. com]
It's about parents.
Does that sound odd to you? Or even jarring? Let me repeat it: parenting isn’t about kids, it’s about parents. We’ve always been told and believed the opposite: parenting is about kids. Parenting is about these younger human beings that we’ve been put in charge of. As parents we’re responsible for them—for making sure they have a strong sense of security and high self-esteem. We’re responsible for making sure they’re healthy and normal. We’re responsible for them receiving the best education possible. We’re responsible for providing all the opportunities we possibly can to insure that they are intelligent, well-rounded individuals. We’re responsible for them developing sound morals. We’re responsible for them staying out of trouble. We’re responsible for them choosing the right college and major, the right husband or wife. We’re responsible for them not going to Hell, for crying out loud! Right?
Wrong. Parenting is not about kids–it’s about us, the parents. And we are not responsible for our kids. Instead, we are responsible to our kids. And believe me there is a difference. In this article, I will insha’Allah talk about these two very important principles.
Parenting isn’t about kids, it’s about parents.
Where should our focus be during our daily interactions with our kids? Most of us focus outward, toward our children. We watch, monitor, guide, reprimand, discipline. We’re always thinking about them—about what they’re doing or not doing. Other times we’re thinking about what they should or could be doing. And then when one of our children misbehaves, we are most definitely focused on them. That’s the time when we must communicate to them that what they did was wrong, and sometimes we actually have to stop them from misbehaving first. Throughout these interactions we’re always focused on them.
It’s time, parents, for us to reprogram. If we want to be the most effective communicators possible, if we want to have the best relationship with our kids, and if we want to deliver the powerful message that certain behavior is not acceptable, then we absolutely must reprogram ourselves. It’s time to stop focusing on our children and start focusing on ourselves.
This means that as we watch, monitor, guide, reprimand, or discipline, we should be focusing inwardly, on ourselves, not on our children. Of course, we remain cognitively aware of what they are doing, but during these moments we need to be aware of what we are thinking and feeling. And most importantly, we need to be calm.
This is especially difficult during those moments when our children misbehave, because inwardly we begin to experience anxious emotions and thoughts. We began to feel angry, sad, resentful, frustrated, or even violent. We also experience thoughts along the same vein, such as “Why did she do that when I told her not to!” or “What was he thinking?!” or “I can’t believe she did that again!” Anxious feelings and thoughts are normal, and I am not saying that they can be eliminated. I repeat, you will not stop experiencing them. What you must do is not act (or shall we say “react”) on them.
When we remain calm, we have the ability to be the most effective parents. Our ability to communicate and discipline effectively is enhanced a hundredfold, if not more. Had we yelled, intimidated, guilt-tripped, or withdrew, we would have greatly reduced our effectiveness. So, the next time one of our children misbehaves, we should consciously recognize that we are experiencing anxious thoughts and emotions, and we should continue to focus on ourselves throughout our exchange with our child. We should remain calm and address the situation, using a calm face and voice, even when that means delivering some form of discipline. Even if a small child must be physically removed from a situation or have something confiscated, we should remain calm and communicate in a calm manner.
When we do this, our child’s ability to hear and understand the message we are communicating does not become hindered by our anxiety. Many of us have a misconception: if we act upset (by yelling or intimidating, for example) this will enhance our child’s ability to understand and internalize or message that their behavior was not acceptable. By displaying our anger, for example, we think we adding impact to the message, but in fact the opposite is true! When we yell or display anxious behavior, we are actually distracting from the message we are trying to deliver and reducing the likelihood it will have a strong impact.
When we are trying to communicate while displaying anxious emotions with a younger child, the child is no longer focusing on the misbehavior, but instead is wondering “How do I calm mom down?” or “How do I stop dad from yelling?” We know we’re yelling important words at them (“My cell phone is not a toy! You cannot play with it!”) but they’re not digesting the words. It’s like what they’re really hearing you say (or scream) is “Calm me down! You did this bad thing, so you must calm me down!” If you have an older child, your emotional reactivity will most likely conjure defensive or argumentative emotions and thoughts within them, or they may just withdraw all together. So instead of hearing what you’re saying, they’re thinking “Mom is so annoying” or “Dad is such a jerk” or “Whatever.”
Where is the moral development in that? Is that really seizing the opportunity to tell them that we must abide by moral principles, or respect boundaries, or adhere to rules, or obey their parents? Our display of anxious emotions and thoughts squelches that opportunity. So, I challenge every parent who is reading this article to apply this principle (focus on yourself and remain calm) for a week. Eliminate your emotional reactivity from your interactions with your children. They may be shocked or act even worse at first, because there has been a break in the cycle and they’ve been thrown off-balance by it, but you will very soon start to see a change in how they receive your parental messages.
We are not responsible for our kids, we are responsible to our kids.
We do not control our kids, whether they are six months old or sixteen years old. We do not control them. Your toddler will have a tantrum in the store if he wants to or your teenager will break her curfew if she wants to. A perfect example of this happened to me just today. My son knows that he’s not allowed to throw the ball in the house, but today he did it any way, because he wanted to, and when he threw it, it hit me right in the side of the head (painfully and knocking my glasses askew) while I was reading Qur’an. I felt angry and my first thought was “I have told him a thousand times that he is not supposed to throw the ball in the house!” But, despite my countless repetitions that he is not to do that, he did it today because he wanted to.
Many of us would feel entitled in that moment to let off some steam and some scream. We are also most likely experiencing some latent internal commentary: “That child did not obey me. I am responsible for making sure he follows house rules and he didn’t, so therefore his throwing the ball was a representation of my failure to control his behavior, and that stresses me out. I do a good job as a parent, so his behavior should be in line with my good efforts.”
At the end of the day, even if you do the most stellar job possible, your child will do what he or she wants to do. Accept this fact and feel the liberation within it. You do not control your child. You are not responsible for his behavior. If he misbehaves that is entirely his choice. As parents we are responsible for delivering those important moral and ethical messages—for letting our children know that certain behavior is unacceptable. That is our responsibility to our kids, so we should strive to be calm, effective communicators who effectively deliver discipline. We are not responsible for our children—for what they choose to do or not do. We are not responsible for our kids, we are responsible to our kids. We do not control them, but we do control ourselves. So, parenting isn’t about kids, it’s about parents. Let’s take ownership of that and apply it. Let’s start a revolution in our homes tonight, by becoming the calm, effective mothers our children need.
Olivia Kompier
Certified Screamfree Leader
www.screamfree.com
JAKARTA (voa-islam.com) – Parents in whole world likes to see big honesty in their kids. Honesty is one of best character that human should have, especially kids. If the parents teach how to learn it for their kids at the youngest age, later the they will be able to always be honest when they grow up.
There are many theories that give instructions about how to teach our kids to be honest. But on the reality, it is not easy to run that theory to be true, because there are so many reasons that make kids lie to their parents. Childrentparenting describes 3 factors dealing with that, as follows :
1. Lying as the describtion of their fantasy
"Mom, I can be a superman". Many kids usually say this in their games. This thing is usually happened to the kids at the youngest age. They are easily to be influenced whit anything that they heard and see. As a result, kids have difficulties in distinguist the real thing and the imagination one. Playing something that involve an imagination is permitted. But parents should explain to their kids that game is unreal.
2. Lying to avoid a mistake.
Almost every kids will say untruth if they are in pressures. They will try to shift their mistakes. On the youngest age, kids usually use their natural imaginations to lie. Next, when they are grow up, they will try to make powerfull stories to avoid any punishments.
.. Kids will say untruth if they are in pressure. They will try to shift their mistakes...
Their emosion include guilty, worry and scare are involve here. They can even say "The cat break this vase, not me" to prove that they are not make any mistakes.
3. Willpower to lie
Lying is bad habit, especially for kids. If the parents do not handle it seriously soon, it can be worse. Parents has to be familiar with the first non- verbal signal of lying, showed by their kids. For example, "Mom, I will go to Alex’s house to learn together with my friends", where as they just want to play around.
The best approach
If your kids usually lie to you, do the best approach to give them any understanding about it. Give simple explanation that their acts are abselutely bad. Do it smoothly and give many positif words on it.
Do not for get to give your kids any punishments as the consequences of lying. You can give it equal with how big the mistakes are. One thing that parents should remeber, do not get angry or shout a loud to the kids, so they realize that lying is definetily bad for them.
by : James P. Krehbiel
One of the perpetual problems that many parents face is lying by their children. Parents will often personalize this problem and view it as a sign that their children lack respect for them. Parents may also believe that their parental authority is being undermined when their children distort the truth.
It is important that parents recognize that all behavior is purposeful, even the habit of lying. Some lying is a common feature of the human experience. Rather than focus on the specific lies told by their children and the implications of those lies, parents would be well-served in trying to understand the purposes underlying their children's need to distort the truth.
When parents confront their children about their pattern of lying, they may inadvertently make the problem worse. Parents may unintentionally promote a power-struggle and cause their children to actually become more deceptive about their behavior.
I believe that parents need to rethink their perspective for dealing with their children when they lie. I recommend that parents never use the word lying in front of their kids. Use of the word lie sets up an adversarial dynamic. It is preferable to use phrases such as "you need to be more up-front with me" or "you need to be honest with me". This relaxes the encounter and makes it more likely that you will get to the bottom of the situation.
Often children will lie if they feel intimidated or feel excessive pressure from a parent. For example, a child may be afraid of harsh, punitive treatment as a consequence for poor grades. Talking with your child on an on-going basis about the nature and quality of his work, rather than focusing on assessment is helpful in promoting more truthfulness.
Children may embellish stories and lie to their friends if they lack self-confidence and proper social skills. Children may feel the need to gain approval from their peers. If you are aware that your child is fabricating information, explore the issue with gentleness or seek professional counseling assistance if necessary.
Adolescence may be the most difficult developmental period for dealing with lying. Children, during the teen years, are looking for ways to separate from their parents through experimentation, concealing information, and acting guarded around their parents. Try to keep the lines of communications open. Set appropriate boundaries and limits. Monitor you children closely for substance abuse, and other acting-out behaviors. Never accept excuses for inappropriate behavior. Set logical consequences and stick to them. By setting these parameters, parents can reduce the opportunity for their teenagers to engage in lying.
Some guidelines for parents to cope with children who conceal the truth are:
* All behavior is purposeful, even lying. Lying is not always intentional deceit and may be aimed at getting attention from parents or manipulating a situation.
* All children will lie on occasion. It is inevitable. Remember your childhood?
* Reframe the word lying. Use terminology that means the same, but softens the conflict.
* Children may be embarrassed or sensitive about telling the truth. Acknowledge those feelings with them, but insist on knowing the truth.
* When children tell the truth, reinforce their positive behavior.
* Never set-up your child by being aware of a lie and then asking him for the truth without discussing that you have information. Acknowledge up-front that you know what's going on.
* Monitor your children's behavior (without over-involvement) to see if you notice any red-flags.
* Stay out of power-struggles with teens over deception. If you know they are being untruthful, merely acknowledge it and set reasonable, logical consequences.
* Never make the issue of deception the main focal point of your conversations. Lying is always a byproduct of other more meaningful areas of exploration with your children.
* As a parent, role-model honest communications and behavior demonstrating integrity with your children. Children may pick up on inconsistencies in parenting and use those patterns as a reason to be untruthful and manipulative.
Unfortunately, some children are pathological (chronic) liars. These children wreak havoc at home. Through stealing, self-medicating, promiscuous sex, and other self-destructive behaviors they may exhibit psychological disorders. These youngsters need professional, psychiatric and counseling treatment.
Remember that lying is purposeful behavior that can be minimized with healthy involvement with your children, appropriate monitoring, sensitivity and understanding, and role-modeling of honest, open, and emotionally expressive communications.
Read more: http://www.familyresource.com/parenting/behavior-issues/when-children-lie#ixzz0nRAPVVm5
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